...my baby girl arrived in the world. And today, I am finding myself spouting all the old cliches, such as "where DID that year go?"
Its been the best, most challenging year of my life, full of the biggest highs I have ever experienced, but also the most crashing lows. It has felt at times completely overwhelming, at others, the easiest job in the world. The amount of love I feel for her sometimes seems like it going to consume me, and is like no other love I have ever experienced. Yes, another cliche, but so true. She is my funny, beautiful, headstrong, bossy, determined, naughty, curious, amazing new best friend.
Today we had a small gathering with our parents for her. It was very perfect, very Ruby-centred and lovely. And then we had a major meltdown at the end of the day. She is still awake and crying now, and I am not entirely sure what it is.... I think an unhappy combination of too much rich food, too much stimulation and not enough sleep. But even this does not put a downer on the day, its just a reminder of how in the moment a baby is, and how, no matter how hard you try, you can never expect things to go to plan. And that is ALL GOOD, and just the way of things really! I have learnt to go with the flow much more than ever, and am more relaxed for it.
But in my reflections on what was going on for me this time last year, just hours after she was born, I can see how far I have come. I will never forget the moment when I was alone in hospital after Dave had gone home, and she was lying in her cot, fast asleep. Then she opened her eyes and stared at me, and I was hit with the enormous responsibility that I was entirely responsible for her. If she cried, I would have to pick her up and sooth her. I have never felt so shit scared in all my life! Yet, this evening as she cried, its second nature to just gather her up in my arms and know that nobody on this planet (with the exception of her daddy of course!) can sooth her and give her all she needs the way I can.
I am so proud of her, so head over heals in love, and so, so grateful she chose us. I am a better person because of her, and my life is better, more colourful, and sharper round the edges for having her in it.
Happy birthday baby girl.
No comments:
Post a Comment